This album was recorded in my bedroom, November '09 and put to cassette tape
released 26 February 2010
all rights reserved
feeds for ,
- Track Name: When I Beg You To Come Over
Why can’t I relax? I know you would like that. I don’t want to be the thing that keeps you up and steals your sleep when you need it. I don’t want be the thing that keeps you from your dreams. (I just wish you’d dream of me.)
- Track Name: One-Two-Three, One-Two-Three
I too scribble down sentences that strike me. Ten pins get knocked down before your eager eyes. I always seem to see things more clearly in the blindness of the night. I abhor the facts that I can’t face and the faces that I make when I’m on the verge of mixing up my words in the most terminal of ways. I implore and I implore because I’ll never know for sure. What can I know when you’ll barely budge an inch? I know you love me dearly and that’s all I need to continue—continue to dance the waltz in my kitchen, despite your resistance. I will lead and I will feed off our love’s existence. Follow suite and you will soon see the long lengths I’d go to keep you. Keep on dancing with me. Close your eyes; let your lids kill the light. Hold me tight, hold me tight, hold me tightly. I can’t breathe as easily as I need to inside of this apartment. What a terribly similar theme. Am I doomed to repeat? What exactly do I deserve now?
- Track Name: Your Favorite Word For Phantom
Could somebody tell me where I’ve got to go to feel at home? Someone once told me I’ll never feel at home again, and I haven’t. And I am tired of the cold and I am tired of the snow (and I am tired of how transparent it makes me.) I was born a ghost and I float, forever vacantly, and somehow I'm not alone. Everyday is the same. I desperately draw life from your lips. And I hold you and I haunt you in the best way I know how. I will be your eidolon as long as you continue to believe in me. (You see past my transparencies, when I’m am with you I’m at home in my body.) You are the only one that makes me feel like I have skin and a warm heart to crawl in.
- Track Name: Lazy Empty House: Part II
A lot of light comes through these makeshift bedroom curtains. And I have spent the last part of my adolescence floating through walls and carving creases in my hands. Can you love me if I don’t know who I am? Open up your oven arms. ‘Cause you’re the only thing that can keep my flesh warm. Bitter winters bring me down. They bite the blue out of my blouse. Bitter winters beat me down. They bite the blue out of my only blouse.
- Track Name: Cartographic Catastrophic
I have road maps, implanted on the inside of my skull, of the places that I’ve been and places I would not dare to go again. We both acknowledged Montcalm as we drove by, cautiously creeping along down 89. And I closed my eyes and imagined what it would be like to die in this antiquated Buick in New Hampshire (of all places), without you. It only takes a second to disappear on nights like these. It only takes a second for everything you love to leave you.
- Track Name: My Best Behavior
I’m overwrought every time I hear my front porch creek with the hope that it might be you outside my door, warping the wood with your feet. What would it take to make you believe that you save me each time you blink your blue eyes and clasp your hand to mine urgently. We fit perfectly in my opinion. You’re the most exceptional exception and you hold everything I long to keep. Maybe I’m naïve and wholly unprepared but I own my feelings and I feel like everything I want is right here in your sun cooked hair in the spring time. I hope one day you’ll realize that I would do just about anything, go anywhere at time to make you happy.
- Track Name: Song Five
Can we just forget every other hand we’ve ever held? ‘Cause I have, and I have not ever felt so full. It is august, and to be honest, that bright blue moon’s got nothing on me. And I felt right at home 3,000 miles from my home. Hold my heart and let’s hike this mountain of a city. But even Madison & 5th just is not fit for a love like this; a love like ours. And if you’d let me I would build you the biggest garden you’ve ever seen with as many peas and raspberries as you could eat
- Track Name: I Can't Keep Up
I should really speak before I think. I waste too much time thinking of speaking that the opportunity just up and leaves me. And yes, I had dreams, but they were of flesh and of frivolous things. Like the house we’d turn into a home; you and I, out on the west coast. Lock me up. Throw away the key. All these false assumptions have bludgeoned me. And I’m down for the count. I can’t help it, I am selfish. If you run I don’t think that I could catch you. I can’t catch you. What would it take to make you stay?
- Track Name: Four-Five-Six, Four-Five-Six
As artists, our words carry clout. Everything before you was before you. And now I have given it all up with the hope that you might be the one. But it’s hard to feel reassured when what you scream negates everything. I guess I may have had more time to sing my ghosts away line by line by line. I won’t stand for second best: an accessible replacement. I will not wait forever but I will wait patiently.
- Track Name: Dark Empty Room
I can’t listen to myself speak. When I do I get nervous. And how do you expect to make a home with me if you’d rather sleep alone and flea the country? (idontwanttohavetobegyoutoloveme) I can’t listen to myself think. When I do I get sick.
- Track Name: My Kitchen Floor
Don’t let it eat you up inside. Forget the news that knocked you to your knees and how your cheeks felt. And I am not impressed when shaking in my shoes. And I’m not dangerous. I never posed a threat to her like I had hoped to. This pattern weighs on my rib cage until my tired bones break. Now spiders spin webs in the rooms that we thought that we could make homes in. Last night I washed the bowls that we ate oatmeal out of. Please come home. Don’t fall in love tonight with everything you had and that you might.
- Track Name: I'm Not Sure If This City Is For Me
The lilies bloom after I see you, but since I’ve been driving I’ll just keep on driving. The ghastly glow of headlights lost in smoke follows me all the way back home to where my love lies and where I wish that I could lie with him. And maybe if I name drop road signs and route numbers I will seem more traveled then I’ll ever be. I guess it’s not as bad I thought it would be to have everything I love scattered across the country. Why am I even still in this town if you’re the only thing that makes it worth living in? I must be in too deep. I must be. And maybe if I name drop road signs and route numbers I will seem more traveled then I’ll ever be. And maybe if I sing until it’s dark outside the road that took you will be so kind as to take me.
- Track Name: I Can Keep Up
And now that I have seen the path our love can take, I’ll proceed cautiously and re-think how I do all my dealings each and every day and the way I deal with you and my feelings. When did romance become a clinical disease? Am I the last of my kind? Are we depleting ‘cause we’re jumping off of buildings screaming, “I am the last of my kind!” I feel it strongly when you pull the blankets on you and me: you love me dearly and are mine. I never meant to treat you anything less than perfectly. I love you dearly; please stay mine. You barefoot in the garden holding my hand and heart and plucking the fruit from off their vines. Exploring different cities, gypping the foreign cabbie. These memories are yours and mine. Hold them close and we’ll be just fine. Hold me close and keep me inside your mind. I know I’m quite a bore but you know I love to your touch your back and bake you vegan shepherds pie. I grab your hand to dance and you try but can’t deny the fact that you’re having a great time. When I come back from Connecticut we’ll waltz until our stars are realigned. When I come back from Connecticut I know everything will be all right.
- Track Name: This Changes Everything
I want to be haunting and not haunted by. I want the ability to drop jaws and inspire awe. But I am capable of none of these things. I am capable of nothing. How am I supposed to feel like I don’t deserve to ever be hurt when the one person that I hoped would never hurt me has? And I’m hurt and it hurts (andimbarelyhangingon). When I press my lips to yours I taste her and I taste everything you feel and you felt and I can’t help it. I am selfish, but you’re being far more selfish than I could ever hope to be. I am obliterated. Devotion’s outdated and I am so passé. Now it’s 55 and I am freezing and I don’t feel much like eating and I’m not sure if I like my hands (oryourhandsforthatmatter). At least when I’m hungry I am capable of something: starving. I’m not sure if I like where I am (orwhereyouveputmeforthatmatter). The drink in my cup tastes like cigarette butts but I just keep on drinking up. It’s amazing how I can feel so much and then so numb.
- Track Name: Anti Five
I cannot forget the way you held onto my hand, but I bet you can. And I have not ever been so broken hearted. It was August and to be honest, those three months were the worst. months. of. my. life. And you were right. We’ve been on this road for a long, long time. And I never felt quite at home inside the house we called our own. You hold my heart still, so be careful it is fragile. And even after all the things you’ve done to me, I would still give you everything. And you won’t let me, so I guess I will not build you anything at all. Our garden rotted just like our dreams before they ever got a change to be. (ihopeyouhavefunoutwestwithoutme)
- Track Name: Drums Shaped Like Faces And Made Out Of Logs
When prompted to tell you how I knew that you were the one, I forgot how to speak. Months later I found what I planed to say scribbled down on brown paper towels and I can’t say if I said it to the letter, but when I said it this time it went so much more badly than better. Yeah, it went so much worse. With hearts in my eyes, I was just looking for someone to love and to die next to. I thought that I found in you but I guess I thought wrong. (wealkedourhearstuntiltheirsoulsworething). I was never the woman that danced in your dreams despite how I tried and or wanted to be. And that’s that. You just can’t change things like these. You just wait to be left and then goddamn it, you leave. And I left. And I knew that if I left you would not chase after me, so because I like your company, baby I’ll come back weather you want me to or not. My heart is just too big and your names written all over it.
So what am I supposed to do? I’ll be a good a friend to you. What am I supposed to do but I forgive and forgive and forgive.